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Forums: Deer Hunting in General: FRIDAY FUNNY

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Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
Here is a whole new meaning to supplemental feeding.....



http://www.snotr.com/video/2772



Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone area.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.





Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

Cowboy rules for living in Texas are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck. because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're NOT impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in Texas waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the t! ime.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...BUT IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Texan will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!





Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason:
"too many deer were being hit by cars"
and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

 



Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

Bear-Hunting Preacher

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the
hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a bear, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. His rifle went one way, and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.

That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear was charging
at him, and he couldn't move.

"Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish: Please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"

That very instant the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet:

"Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive..."




Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

Subject: Deer Season


Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural Oklahoma on the opening day of dear season. They both spotted a large trophy class buck meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone.

The other hunter exclaimed "Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!"

The first hunter nodded and said; "Well, we were married for 42 years". :grin-big:




Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
smart idiot lol good one

Smack em' and Stack em'

Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
    "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." 
    Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." 
    "What does that tell you?", Holmes ask, 
    Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and 
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
    Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."






Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
A Cowboy was going deer hunting.. His blonde wife said she was going with him.. That they never did anything together.. So, they went.. He put her in a stand by herself.. Later in the morning he heard her shoot.. He went over to her stand and she was pointing her rifle at a guy with a cowboy hat on.. The guy was telling her, Ma'mm, you can have the deer you shot.. I just want to take my saddle off of him!




Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
Good one Buckwhisperer, I think I know why I am divorced now.

be safe,have fun

Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

Farmer's Divorce


A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."






Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
HAHAHAHA thats funny

Smack em' and Stack em'

Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
thats real good




Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

Rancher JohnFarmer Jokes

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied old John, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher





Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 

FAREWELL HUNTING PARTNER

Ralph and Dexter took to the woods hunting as always, however Dexter didn't know that Ralph put on his new scent free deer suit complete with antlers. Dexter thought Ralph was a record buck, and he shot him.

Dexter took his wounded companion to the hospital, and after filling out a few forms he waited. After several hours in the ER the doctor came out of surgery with very bleak news.

"There was a chance that we could have saved him," the doctor said, "if only you hadn't gutted him too!!!"






Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
HAHAHAHA thats funny stuff there....

Smack em' and Stack em'

Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 


MONSTER BUCK

A city boy went deer hunting in the country one day. While hunting he shot a monster buck which fell on the property of a farmer. The boy crawled over the fence to claim his kill, but the farmer had seen what happened. The farmer rushed out with his shotgun and yelled, "That monster buck belongs to me!"

The city boy replies, "But I shot the monster buck, therefore it belongs to me!"

The farmer says, "It fell on my property so it belongs to me!" They continue to argue, each claiming ownership of the monster buck. After awhile the farmer says, "We should settle this the old-fashioned way."

The city boy asks, "What is the 'old-fashioned way'?"

The farmer explains, "First, I kick you in the groin. Then, you kick me in the groin and we continue in this fashion until one of us gives up. The one who wins gets the monster buck."

The city boy, willing to do anything to get his buck agrees to the contest. The farmer draws back his leg and kicks the city boy in the groin with all his might. The city boy, in horrible pain, falls to the ground moaning and groaning. After about 10 minutes of this, the city boy stands up shakily and croaks, "Its my turn now."

The farmer says, "Oh, you can have the monster buck," and leaves.






Re: FRIDAY FUNNY
 
Now that is funny right there.  Good stuff Buck, thanks for sharing.
I think I know that guy...........

Macy





FRIDAY FUNNY
 

Diary of a Deer Hunter

1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.

2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.

2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.

3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.

3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun.

3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.

4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid tent.

4:30 AM: Head for the woods.

6:05 AM: See eight deer.

6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.

6:07 AM: CLICK.

6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.

8:00 AM: Head back to camp.

9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.

10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.

NOON : Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.

2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.

2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.

2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.

2:45 PM: Rescued.

2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.

3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.

3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.

4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.

4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.

5:00 PM: Empty gun on bug that is bugging you.

6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing.

6:01 PM: Load gun.

6:02 PM: Fire gun.

6:03 PM: One dead pickup.

6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.

6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners.

6:07 PM: Fall into fire.

6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.

6:15 PM: Take pickup; leave hunting partners and deer in camp.

6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.

6:26 PM: Start walking.

6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.

6:35 PM: Meet bear.

6:36 PM: Take aim.

6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.

6:38 PM: Mess pants.

6:39 PM: Climb tree.

11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around tree.

Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.

Next day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.






Forums: Deer Hunting in General: FRIDAY FUNNY

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Users of the Services must be at least 13 years of age. Children under the age of 13 are not permitted to use the Service and no information of children under the age of 13 will be knowingly collected by Whitetail Domains. If a parent or guardian becomes aware that his or her child has provided us with personally identifiable information without the parent or guardian's consent by, for example, misrepresenting his or her age, that parent or guardian should contact us at the Contact Us page. If Whitetail Domains determines that it has collected personal information of children under the age of 13, Whitetail Domains will immediately delete such information and any accounts believed to be held by children under 13.

Disclaimer Of Warranty

THE SERVICES, CONTENT, SITE, AND ANY SOFTWARE ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" BASIS, WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. WITHOUT LIMITING THE FOREGOING, WHITETAIL DOMAINS DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT.

Limitations Of Liability

You understand that Content is posted by users and that Whitetail Domains has only limited control over the Content that is made available via the Site and Services. You understand that by using the Site and Services, you may be exposed to this Content. You acknowledge that Whitetail Domains will not be liable for
  • Content, including without limitation the subject matter of any Content, any errors or omissions in any Content, or for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use or download of any Content posted, emailed, transmitted, or otherwise made available via the Site or Services;
  • the deletion, failure to store, mis-delivery, or untimely delivery of any information or material; (c) Site unavailability or Service interruptions; or
  • the defamatory, offensive, or illegal conduct of any third party.


IN NO EVENT WILL WHITETAIL DOMAINS BE LIABLE TO YOU OR TO ANY THIRD PARTY FOR ANY INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, PUNITIVE, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES (INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION LOSS OF DATA, SERVICE INTERRUPTION, COMPUTER FAILURE, OR PECUNIARY LOSS) ARISING OUT OF THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE SITE OR ANY SERVICES, WHETHER BASED ON CONTRACT, WARRANTY, TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE), PRODUCT LIABILITY OR STRICT LIABILITY OR OTHER THEORY EVEN IF WHITETAIL DOMAINS HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.

IN NO EVENT WILL WHITETAIL DOMAINS' AGGREGATE LIABILITY TO YOU OR TO ANY THIRD PARTY FOR ANY AND ALL CLAIMS ARISING OUT OF THE USE OF THE SITE OR ANY SERVICES EXCEED THE AMOUNTS YOU HAVE PAID TO WHITETAIL DOMAINS. You acknowledge that Whitetail Domains has set its prices and entered into this Agreement in reliance upon the limitations of liability specified herein, which allocate the risk between the parties and form a basis of the bargain between the parties. Some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability of incidental or consequential damages, so the above limitation may not apply to you.

Indemnification

You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless Whitetail Domains and its officers, directors, employees, and agents, from and against any claims, liabilities, damages, losses, and expenses, including, without limitation, reasonable legal and accounting fees, arising out of or in any way connected with your access to or use of the Site or Services, or your violation of this Agreement. Whitetail Domains reserves the right, at its own expense, to assume the exclusive defense and control of any such claim otherwise subject to defense by you, in which event you will cooperate with Whitetail Domains and its counsel, as necessary, in the conduct of such defense.

Links To 3rd Party Sites

The Site may contain links to third-party websites or resources. You acknowledge and agree that Whitetail Domains is not responsible or liable for: (i) the availability or accuracy of such websites or resources; or (ii) the content, products or services on or available from such websites or resources. Links to such websites or resources do not imply any endorsement by Whitetail Domains of such websites or resources or the content, products, or services available from such websites or resources. You acknowledge sole responsibility for and assume all risk arising from your use of any such websites or resources. For the terms and conditions governing your use of Partner Sites, refer to the terms of service governing those websites.

Forum And Choice Of Law

This Agreement will be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of Texas, without regard to its conflicts of law rules. You expressly agree that the exclusive jurisdiction for any claim or action arising out of or relating to this Agreement or your use of the Services will be filed only in the federal courts located in the State of Texas, or state courts located in Fort Bend County, Texas. You further agree and submit to the exercise of personal jurisdiction of such courts for the purpose of litigating any such claim or action. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of, or related to, use of the Services or this Agreement must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose, or be forever barred. Disputes must be settled by arbitration utilizing the dispute resolution procedures of the American Arbitration Association (AAA) in Houston, Texas.

Refund Policy

Whitetail Domains will not honor any refunds for any paid Whitetail Domains services, including without limitation Member account payments, more than thirty (30) days after you last submitted such payment to Whitetail Domains. Should you find the need to request a refund, please email Customer Service or call us at 1-281-633-2334.

General

You may not assign any rights granted to you or delegate any of your duties hereunder; any attempt to do so is void and of no effect. Whitetail Domains may assign its rights and delegate its duties under this Agreement in their entirety in connection with a merger, reorganization or sale of all, or substantially all, of its assets relating to this Agreement. The failure of Whitetail Domains at any time to require performance of any provision hereof shall in no manner affect its right at a later time to enforce the same unless the same is waived in writing. If a court should find that one or more rights or provisions contained in this Agreement are invalid, you agree that the remainder of the Agreement will be enforceable. The headings and captions are for convenience only and are not to be used in the interpretation of this Agreement. This Agreement constitutes the complete and exclusive understanding and agreement between you and Whitetail Domains regarding its subject matter, and supersedes all prior and contemporaneous agreements or understandings relating to such subject matter.

If you have any questions or concerns about this Agreement or any issues raised in this Agreement or on the Site, please contact Whitetail Domains at the Contact Us page.
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